Category Archives: Dr. William Glasser

Live Well, It Matters

by Barnes Boffey, Ed.; Director of Training, Aloha Foundation… www.alohafoundation.org
(Origininally published on May 11, 2016)

50th Anniversary Celebration
Las Vegas, NV July 23, 2015

wglasserWritten to honor the life and work of William Glasser, this reading is not one that we ought to be surprised about; every life sends the same reminder: 

Live Well, It Matters

Our lives are not exercises from school that have no relevance; they have the ultimate relevance. Our lives can damage other people; our lives can heal other people; our lives can nourish other people, and our lives can transform other people.  Our lives become the stars that others steer by, and if we live them well, the world will change.

We remember Bill Glasser because he was a wonderful person and a remarkable teacher. He had a powerful public persona as a speaker and was able to hold the attention of hundreds of people with both the simplicity and significance of his transformative ideas. He was also someone who could talk one-on-one with a client and minutes later have that person ready to face a world he had found so difficult to deal with only moments before.

Bill had amazing skills, but what inspires us is that he did the best he could with what he had been given, both in the time of his life and in the time of his death. He did what he had to do to maintain his dignity and integrity and to keep the beacon steady for those of us coming behind who needed him to be strong, and real, and honest and true.

Live Well; It Matters

Bill spent over 45 years creating a place where we could learn and change and be free of our victimhood. He absorbed the vision of his mentors and passed along the message “We can change the world with these ideas.” He participated in that mission with every fiber of his being, and he challenged us to do the same. I can almost hear him saying: Live Well; It Matters

If there were some other alternatives to dying, it would be different. We could plan for our final passage in life as though we were taking a vacation. Where will I go? What do I want to do when I’m no longer a living human being? The truth is that death awaits us all; that is BOTH the sad news and the joyous news.

Because it is true, our challenge as we face the future is to live in the light of the universe: being loving, being powerful, being playful, being free. And to live each day as one we can be proud of, to live each day as one we can cherish, and to live each day as one that will be remembered by others who look to us to learn how to live. That is the challenge that Bill Glasser leaves us:

barnesboffey

Learn more about Barnes at our Mental Health & Happiness Summit, October 10th.


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Continuing the Legacy

CarleenGlasser-thmb

Carleen Glasser, wife and partner of the late William Glasser, M.D., worked by his side writing and lecturing for nearly twenty, productive years. Dr. Glasser enthusiastically, shared every new idea he had with her. Theirs was not only a very happy marriage, they were inseparable partners. She had the honor of editing eleven of his most recent books and they co-authored four books together. During that time, Carleen, having an Education/ Counseling background, also created Choice Theory related children’s workbooks, class meeting lesson plans and an online course for teachers. Dr. Glasser included her in almost all of his many speaking engagements around the world as a co-speaker and role-player. That they enjoyed each other and the work they shared was quite apparent in the many videos that were made of their talks and role-plays.

Now, Carleen is dedicating her life to the preservation of her dear, late husband’s legacy. She is teaching what he created, the new Reality Therapy based on Choice Theory, the Psychology of Personal Freedom, to as many people as are interested. She is an enthusiastic presenter, who is passionate about these ideas and has a unique base of information to share which could only come from one source, William Glasser, himself.

Learn more about Carleen Glasser at our Mental Health & Happiness Summit, October 10th.


Register

Life’s Lemons

By:  Maria E Trujillo alias Manual DeVie

Growing up I had my share of life’s lemons. I did my best to make what I thought was the best of it. Following the old adage I attempted to make lemonade out of lemons.

However, my batch of lemonade was filled with toxic mixers that I added. I used my own negative thinking and faulty beliefs combining it with and unhealthy and dysfunctional relationships.

It’s difficult to learn how to make a healthy batch when I wasn’t born into a family with a healthy skill set. In fact, I learned to operate as an ostrich and to sweep problems and difficulties under the rug.

Courageously I entered a new class in lemonade 101, more commonly known as couple’s counseling. Our counselor followed the structured couples counseling session advocated by Dr. William Glasser. As a couple we never made it past the crucial fourth session. This is the session where we each needed to make a commitment to continue. That ended couple’s counseling.

lemonsI knew there were always going to be lemons in my life. I knew I wanted a healthy batch of lemonade. I wanted to learn how to change and use my own healthy mixers to make a healthy batch of lemonade. I continued forward with individual counseling.

With the help of this counselor who practiced Reality Therapy using choice theory psychology I found a better recipe for making lemonade. I have gained healthy skills in the process.

These skills include knowing which lemons are worth squeezing and which are best left for the compost pile.

 

Epigenetic and Choice Theory

By Mona Dunkin

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

chicken

 

The chicken and the egg are interdependent. The egg-laying chicken and the developing egg each have a viable part to play in the on-going production of breakfast and casseroles.

Here is another round-robin-riddle. Which came first, the theory or the theorem?

question

The developing-egg theory is, “I have a pretty good grasp as to what the outcome will be of my idea” (i.e. based on previous experience, the creative cook has a fairly good idea of how a newly developed recipe will turn out).  A loose definition of theory is it is a not-as-yet proven.

Encarta Dictionary defines theorem as “a proposition or formula in mathematics or logic that is provable from a set of axioms and basic assumptions.” Theorem is experiments getting closer to text-book-weighed-and-measured fact.

Boiled down, epigenetics is the science of gene/cell development. A 13-year Human Genome Project (HGP) involving scientists from around the world discovered that each individual cell in our body pretty much has a life of its own.

Epigenetic Scientist Bruce Lipton calls it “The Biology of Belief”; meaning that our cells turn-on or turn-off depending on what we believe.

lightswitch

 

“Sure, I would love to have a doughnut.”

 

And the whole body goes into pre-programmed operation. The brain values the delicacy, the mouth salivates to receive the morsel and the genes turns “on” to store fat.

“No, thank you, I’ll pass on the doughnuts.”

And the whole body musters strength to re-write previous programming. The brain values a nutritious salad, genes turn “off” to keep from storing fat – thereby improving your health – and your waist thanks you.

I love it when theory becomes fact.

Dr. William Glasser, founder of Reality Therapy, called it Choice Theory. Consciously or carelessly we choose how we behave…

  • which translates into having chosen what we do
  • which greatly influences how we feel
  • which is embraced/disputed by our thinking
  • which genetically becomes who we are – mentally, physically and relationally.

Always has. Always will. And now science is proving it.

 

Emotional Realities

By Dr. Ken Larsen (Originally posted November 14, 2013)

One of the characteristics of mental health and happiness is getting our needs met in and through our relationships with caring other people.

Dr. Glasser describes these needs in a couple of ways.  One, from his first best selling book “Reality Therapy” he points out that we need to “Love and be loved, and to feel worthwhile to ourselves and to others.”

Later, when he wrote “Choice Theory” he listed our basic needs as “Survival, Love and belonging, Freedom, Power and Fun.”

bowlingballs

One way I meet my fun needs is by learning.  Recently I was reading a book entitled “The Female Brain” by Louann Brizendine, MD.  One paragraph jumped out at me because it spoke to ways to grow closer to the ones we love.  Having a wife, three daughters, and five granddaughters, the more I can understand the female experience of life, the closer I can be in these very special relationships.

This is a quote from the book: “If she’s married or partnered with a male brain, each will inhabit two different emotional realities.  The more both know about the differences in the emotional realities of the male and female brain, the more hope we have of turning those partnerships into satisfying and supportive relationships and families.”

I highly recommend this book.

Choice Theory, Reality Therapy and Power Tools 

 

by Mona Dunkin 

All of us seek identity, significance, purpose and power. The power need is the need to feel important and to be appreciated for who we are and for what we do. The power need is met through confidence, being heard and understood, accomplishments and in the giving and receiving of service and respect.

Motivational speaker Les Brown has six “Tools to Reclaim Your Power” that I think applies to the continuation of Dr. Glasser’s life-changing Reality Therapy and Choice Theory concepts and legacy.  Using these tools will certainly contribute to mental health and happiness.  Here is my brief interpretation of Les’s tools.

  1. It’s possible. When you have an idea that will benefit self and mankind it is possible that you can implement it. If anyone else in the entire world has done something out-of-the-box, then it is possible that you, too, can do something beyond your current skill level, whether simple or exemplary.
  1. Its necessary.Once you begin the possible it becomes a need to carry through. Having left a place of safety it is necessary to broaden one’s comfort zone. It becomes a white-heat passion that must be fulfilled.
  1. Its you. Others may in time come alongside to assist, guide or carry on but initially the weight is on your own shoulders. It is dependent upon your own unlimited belief in yourself. It is you investing your time, your energy and your resources into a fledgling concept. It is you motivating you to keep on keeping on, to continue when everything within says, “Quit.”
  1. Its hard. An airplane needs resistance to fly. Mechanically – as well as physically and emotionally – it is not easy to overcome pull and drag in order to soar. It is not easy to keep up momentum when others may think you are crazy. It is not easy to get up after a seeming defeat. It is not easy to push for change in a complacent, smug, self-satisfied world. But it is doable.
  1. Its worth it. Your second wind kicks in, the goal is in sight and nothing will stop you now. The rewards, small and no-so-small, begin to collect and grow. You are filled with gratitude for what you have learned and how you have grown in the journey.
  1. Its finished. This is the most beautiful part. Even before crossing the finish line, your dream has taken on a life of its own and it will succeed in spite-of-you, with or without you. Your legacy is intact and will be passed on to future generations.

There has been a tremendous amount of momentum built over the last 85 years by Dr. and Mrs. Glasser, the Board of Directors, and all of the people around the world who have dipped into Glasser’s Choice Theory and Reality Therapy ideas. We have gained strength from them and have come too far to turn back now.  Let us be like Tim-the-tool-man-Taylor and add “more power” to our learning and “teaching the world Choice Theory”.

When inspiration calls, answer the phone and give it directions to find you. You have the tools.

Take Charge of Your Life

 by Mona Dunkin 

Noted Psychiatrists, Dr. William Glasser, suggests the term “mental health” be replaced with “responsibility”.  Responsibility is the ability to get one’s needs met without depriving others of meeting theirs.  When needs are unmet we feel unfulfilled and fail to live at optimum wellness. We are not taking charge of our lives.

In 1998 I attended a lecture given by Dr. Glasser in which he intimated that certain physical and mental maladies are chosen. I took issue with that; I mean, anyone who would choose pain and misery would have to be crazy!

He went on to explained our basic needs and how we are driven to have them met.  Our health – physical as well as mental and emotional – is dependent on how our body handles our actions, our thoughts and the way we feel about things.

This led me to do some deep thinking. I ask myself some hard questions: Was swallowing my anger inflaming my joints?  Was my anger not only harming relationships but also my physical heart and blood pressure?  How am I hurting myself?  I do not want to hurt others but neither do I want to harm myself.

I began to practice the genius of Dr. Glasser’s wisdom.  When we begin to lovingly notice our disconnecting habits of thought and actions we can then choose to turn our attention to matters that leads to greater health and happiness and improved relationships. Only when we come to a conclusion for our self are we willing to make changes or take charge of our own life.

Oh, and my health today? Thanks for asking.  Peace reigns, relationships flourish, business is good, movement is pain free, most meds have been cut in half and I am releasing weight every day.

How about you? Are you ready to take charge of your life?

Cross of Life

By Dr. Ken Larsen (Originally posted April 29, 2014)

I first hecrossoflifeard of the “Cross of Life” in the early 70s. Dentistry was going through a shift in orientation from post crisis “count the cavities” to preventive “don’t get cavities.” We were looking at what made people well. I had read Dr. Glasser where he encouraged us to think in terms of pursuing health and wellness rather than running from disease and unhappiness.  

Two components that come to us from all the sages through the ages is the importance of balance and harmony in life. The so called crossoflife2“Cross of Life”, balancing the four components of “Work, Worship, Love and Play” had been promoted by the Mayo Clinic as a simple way to conceptualize the importance of balanced harmony. Harmony in life, as in music, moves us toward happiness. Balance is essential to the wholeness we seek for our mental health.

A quick Google search brought me to this article from a small town paper in Victoria, Texas dated August 1942. The author, speaking from the Mayo Clinic, gives a good review of the importance of balancing Work, Worship, Love and Play in our lives.

The REAL Behind Reality Therapy

By Mona Dunkin

It is mind boggling to think that neurological science asserts that one’s brain cannot tell the difference in reality and imagination. Suppose you open a drawer and a tarantula jumps out.   You scream, run or faint, etc., only to later discover that someone played a prank with a rubber spider.

In the same vein, the brain cannot tell the difference from past hurts and current thoughts about those past offenses. Continual musing over hurts of the past is as if one is reliving them now. Today. In real time.

Since all of our body works as an integrated whole, the emotions stay stirred up in mentally and physically unhealthy and unhappy ways.

And that affects our body. And here we go ‘round the mulberry bush – only it’s not fun.

Old school is mental health is for clients to get in touch with childhood traumas and other past hurts and work through them.  What are the results? The results may or may not drag yesterday into today. The results may or may not lead to little to no change.  The results may or may not give spurts of relief with long term staying stuck.

New school for mental health and happiness via Reality Therapy is to live today today. Don’t wallow in the past. Live in the NOW.

Delve into your creative system for the real you just waiting to be unleashed. You know the one. The one without all that baggage.

choiceEngage your free-will and choose.  You may or may not experience a deep sigh of relief.  You may or may not be able to move past the past.  You may or may not have an epiphany that ushers in mental health and happiness.

But here’s the amazing thing. You get to choose.  So be good to you.

Self-evaluate your results. Continue when effective. Regroup and re-plan when not so effective.  Live. Laugh. Love. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Or at least it is new school for those of us who have been blessed to learn about Dr. William Glasser and his amazingly simple strategies for blowing the (often referred to and seldom effective) common sense out of the tub and replacing it with personal responsibility.

Reflection: Take Step Three: Illuminate your Path

By Debbie Cringe

The ability to self-reflect involves strategies that allow you to ignore negative emotion, chaotic mind-stories, bodily pain and illness, or to avoid making harmful choices. There are many strategies that people recommend: walking away from an altercation, finding someone to talk to about the problem, trying to arbitrate a problem among people and yourself. Some of these may have already worked for you so continue them! However, another strategy involves allowing the quiet and healed mind to use its wisdom to guide. Dr. Glasser’s Behavior Car is an excellent way to break a problem into pieces and evaluate the problem area – isolate your Thinking, Doing, Body, or Feelings—as you work towards solutions. This has been discussed in past blogs.

Another strategy is called PACE IT! The intensity of the bright lights help you focus on the smaller parts of a whole problem. PACE IT! Does this in four steps. (1). identify your problem or the action that precipitated your unhappiness. (2). look at the cause-effect relationships that led to the problem or action. (3). Identify which cause-effect line you would choose to change an action that would have allowed a different ending to the incident. (4). Write the action you would change and rewrite the new ending.

Download a template that guides this type of reflection.