Category Archives: Success

New Pictures and New Developments

by Mona Dunkin

We think in pictures or symbols. If we don’t get the picture we don’t get the concept.

If I mention a car, your mind sees a car of some sort, even if it’s fuzzy. The longer we explore that subject, the clearer your mind-picture comes into focus.  More than likely, your own car would be your familiar point of reference or perhaps your dream car.

Unknowingly, we associate new stuff with familiar stuff. We also, unknowingly, self-assess whether to like, dislike or simply store it in our vast mind/body warehouse as additional information. For later recall.

Everything is created twice; first in the mind and then in reality. Your computer runs by an operating system and so does the mind. If you don’t like a TV program, you don’t even try to change the screen. Why not? The TV operating system is pre-programmed to bring in that program on that frequency.

Here is where reality sets in.  You cannot change what you do not have control over. You do not have control over the programming slated for that channel but you do have control over changing the channel. To change the picture on the TV screen you change the channel to another frequency.

Change is an Inside Job. Truth be told, we have limited ability to change anything outside our immediate scope. Goodness! It’s hard enough to change something within our self (i.e. attitudes, habits, prejudices).  When we work on self we have something we can work with. When working on someone or something outside our selves – especially without forethought and training – we may be jousting at windmills. Don Quixote’s selective vision of the real world contributed to his unhappy relationships and the fall from the rotor blade certainly curtailed his health.

Will Power = WALL. Even if you are using every ounce of will power that you can muster to change personal habits, attitudes or – alas – other people, it doesn’t compute. Why? Because the old operating system still has chocolate cake as the focal point.  You fall off the wagon and don’t understand why.

Adjust your mind-pictures and grow into them. This simple step promotes self from employee to Management.  From lackey to Taking Charge of Your Life™. And that is power. It’s real power because it’s empowering.  Once the light comes on, it is like a rogue grass seed pushing up through concrete to grow, blossom and bloom. That seed idea that seemed so impossible takes root and produces amazing results.

Yeah But!  I hear you; it’s the I-agree-but-I-don’t-agree-or-I-don’t-think-I-can.  Okay, here’s how:

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Stop whatever thought processes you have going through your head and – just for a minute – experience a different sort of reality. Get out of your head nonsense into a beautiful place. Through loving imagination, tune your TV-mind to your Discovery Channel. Tune in to pictures of adventures that you would love doing or being or creating. Whet an internal mental appetite for those things. Act on those new aptitudes and the old picture begins to fade as you become the new you.  You become energized by what you act like and feel like and look like and what life tastes like as you grow into the person living your dream.

What you think is what you become.  Picture it.

Want to change your world?

By Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

 

 We are going to change the world,” Bill Glasser told us. And the way we are going to change the world is to change how people think.                              

handholdingworld from Barnes Boffey’s keynote speech
WGI-US Conference- Las Vegas, Nevada, July 2015.

December 2012 the second major shooting massacre in US public schools occurred. I took this as my personal call to action to bring the ideas of mental health as a public health issue through Glasser’s Choice Theory psychology. This was the source to start Mental Health & Happiness. 

On November 5, 2014 we (WGI-US) launched this site and have posted a new blog every other day since then. (More than 600 blogs have been posted to date.) In January 2014 we started offering 21-day challenges where people are sent a new challenge 21 days of a 30-day month. These challenges teach people the ideas and principles of Choice Theory psychology including how to incorporate these strategies for improved Mental Health & Happiness.*

It is rewarding to hear all of the personal stories from so many people who are sharing their gratitude  and testaments of thanks. I am amazed and delighted to hear so many people who are working in prisons share how they are offering these challenges to prison inmates to improve their lives. People in private practice and counseling are also giving this website and these challenges as addendum sources to support and help clients in therapy. All of this has been extremely gratifying and rewarding. Dr. Glasser told us we could change the world by changing how people think. This website and the challenges are proving that this statement true.

Today, more than 20 months since the beginning of taking on this project an amazing thing has happened for me personally. What has amazed and surprised me is my own personal benefits. I am happier and mentally healthier today than I was before taking on this project!

Not only am I thinking about Mental Health & Happiness regularly as I contemplate a new blog to write, or a new challenge to offer, I’m also reading the blogs and embracing the challenges. Just as I fasten my seat belt every time I’m in a car, brush my teeth twice a day, make food and exercise choices that support my physical health every day I’m also making Mental Health & Happiness choices and exercises every day to develop, improve and maintain my Mental Health & Happiness!

I love it when a plan results in success.  The result of my daily choices changed and improved my life and my world! I hope you are experiencing the same kinds of result.

*You can now purchase these challenges as an ebook. Go to

http://www.mcssl.com/SecureCart/ViewCart.aspx?mid=B0892453-54D2-4C38-AD60-01638B065A7A&sctoken=5f4c9d6e9e57436881dd6e507149352f&bhjs=1&bhqs=1

I Give Up!

By Nancy S Buck,PhD, RN

Ever tried? Ever failed? No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better Samuel Beckett

How many times have you started the New Year with an enthusiastic resolution to improve your life? How many New Year’s resolutions closely resemble the one you made last year and the year before that? Some of us may go years, decades even, making the same resolution over and over again. Your desire and resolve for change often represents the same hope, dream and goal.

Are you insane, the definition that doing the same thing over and over and over again and expecting different results means you are insane? Or are you just hopeful, refusing to give up?

What’s going on? Could it be that when you make your resolve and make a plan to move you toward what want you are also moving further away from something else you want equally as much?

For instance, when deciding your New Year’s diet it may mean you’re depriving yourself of foods you enjoy. Before you are able to reach your ideal weight your deprivation from the delicious foods you enjoy leads you astray. You decide to just give up!woman_diet

Of perhaps your resolve to increase your exercise leads you to plan early rising with vigorous walking or jogging several days a week. Days, weeks and maybe even a month or two pass with great success as you follow your plan. But then one day you wake up to a deep snow storm or torrential rain storm, or freezing cold or heat wave temperatures or a pulled muscle. Staying snuggled deep in your bed for an extra 45 minutes of sleep drives you to simply give up. And too often this one day leads to another and another so you find yourself facing another January 1 still wanting what you wanted last January 1.

The best laid plans for change or even incremental improvement too often end with you throwing in the towel and giving up! After all, how many of you are still following the New Year’s resolution you made last January? How many of you have made the resolution to never make another resolution because you’re tired of feeling like a failure each time you give up?

There is nothing wrong with giving up. It is a perfectly good alternative. However, sooner or later the quality world picture of what you want and still don’t have returns. Giving up feels good initially. But unfortunately, giving up is a short term successful, long tern unsuccessful plan. And giving up interferes with your Mental Health & Happiness.

Here are a couple of adjustments you can make that you might find helpful.

First, instead of giving up, why not take a time out? The resulting actions may be the same, but when you take time out, you are telling yourself you will get back to your plan and program. You could even set a certain period of time for time out. You know you’re not giving up all together, waiting for the next New Year to start again. You are simply taking a time out and will resume again on Monday the 3rd.

Or you could discover your conflicting pictures and needs that pull you in two different directions. With this knowledge you can make a plan where getting one does not mean depriving yourself of the other. Your New Year’s diet will include all foods except sugar. Once a week, with the week being Sunday to Saturday, you will also allow yourself one Hershey’s chocolate kiss. Or, Your new exercise program means jogging 4 days a week, when possible outside. But when not possible inside. If an injury benches you, yoga and stretching will replace your exercise of choice. Each week you will decide the days you get to sleep in, and the days you will get up early to exercise. 

Give these suggestions a try. You may find the success you seek. Imagine January 2015, you will be making a brand new, never dreamed of before New Year’s Resolution aiming for another wish and dream!

Self Reliance: Too Much, Too Little, or Just Right?

by Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

There once was a boy whose loving and proud mother proclaimed of him, “Jonny can do anything!” Sadly he grew into a man who felt he must do everything, on his own and well.

There once was a girl whose loving and over-protective father proclaimed of her, “Jill could use some help and assistance with this task and that chore. She might get hurt.” Sadly she grew into a needy, whining woman with no confidence, relying on the good will of others to step in and help poor, helpless her.

father-son

There once was a boy and a girl who courageously attempted tasks and projects just beyond their abilities. With a mother and father providing freedom for independent exploration they were  also at the ready to step in and help when assistance was asked for. This pair grew into a man and woman with confidence and goodself-evaluation skills. They each were self-reliant. And they each were aware of their own limitations. They each knew when to ask for help. Generously, they were also more than ready to offer help and assistance to those who needed it.

Good Mental Health & Happiness comes from being self-reliant no matter what others have said about you. Good Mental Health & Happiness comes from knowing when to ask for help and when to offer help to others.

Finding the right balance in your self-reliance contributes to your Mental Health & Happiness. Where do you stand with your self-reliance? Too little? Too much? or Just right?

Success or Failure?

by Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

Do you think of yourself as a successful or a failure? Your answer undoubtedly depends on how you define success and failure. For instance, if you believe having a particular number or certain number of commas in your bank account is the data necessary to prove your success then your answer would be different from a person who believes success is measured by random acts of kindness toward loved ones and strangers alike.

Most of us have learned that failure is part of success. Rarely are any of us successful the very first time we try anything. Children learning to stand for the first time go through a predictable process of standing and falling, followed by standing a failing, with more standing, falling, standing failing repeatedly until finally they stand and succeed. What a remarkable process, especially when you consider what happens next. Now a child will stand and take a step to walk. This learning experience is also full of failure, falling, and frustration until the child learns to walk. Children experience and accept that failure is part of learning and succeeding. It is adults who grow impatient, frustrated and angry when their success takes time and repeated failure.

However, there is a big difference between a child who knows that her failure will ultimately result in success, and a child who believes that he is a loser and a failure no matter what he does or doesn’t do. Unfortunately schools do children no favors in this regard. Giving failing grades to a child struggling to learn does not inspire more studying or striving to succeed. Too often a child believes failure is not just a grade in a subject, but it is who they really are as a person.

Do you think of yourself as a success or a failure? If your answer is failure, consider changing or modifying your definition. The importance of your Mental Health & Happiness depends on believing you are successful and will be successful in your future.

(For those of you involved with children, please take time to help them see themselves as successes too. Their present and future Mental Health & Happiness is at stake.)