Conquering Fear in a Relationship – So, How’s that Working for You?

By Alice Laby

How do we conquer our fears?  First, we need to identify what we are afraid of.  Be very honest with yourself – it may help to make a list.  I am afraid of anger and rejection when I communicate my needs to my partner.  In my previous long term relationship that was the response I received when I made my love and belonging needs known.

There should be input from both you and your partner about what your needs are.  Does he or she have a high freedom need?  Is your loved one’s biorhythm different than yours? Listen,  communicate your respect, and be supportive of your loved one’s choices.

It helps if you write about your fears in a journal before you express them verbally.  If you have started to conquer your fears, write about it in your journal as well.

Celebrate your differences!  Adding a dose of humor is a very good way to open the discussion about the contrast between you and your partner.  I like a folk music song by the trio Gathering Time called The Highest Walls Guard the Greatest Treasures.  Do you build walls to keep yourself protected?  Does your partner?

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One thought on “Conquering Fear in a Relationship – So, How’s that Working for You?

  1. Hi Alice: Thank you an insightful article on an important topic, our fear. I grew up with a wonderful, tough, no-nonsense dad who believed in making life and problems simple. With respect to fear, he taught all of us 13 brothers and sisters that we were born with only two fears: The fear of falling and the fear of loud noises, and that all others fears are man-made–especially our greatest fears today which are to be blamed, judged or disbelieved. And these emanate from what we “think” we know about ourselves inside.

    Dad’s idea of thinking “simple” and living a simple life is like Dr. Glasser’s relationship
    thesis: Wellness in a relationship is the cause of happiness, and happy people make people happy. If we have a high consideration factor of common decency, kindness,
    goodness, thoughtfulness, etc., for others, we experience joy which leads to happiness–and we don’t to worry about being blamed, judged or disbelieved. It’s like the first, great Commandment: If we love God with all of our heart, mind and soul, all
    the other commandments fall into place. Thank you.

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