Tag Archives: broken trust

Trusting-Part Three

By Kim Olver

This is my third and final blog about the healthy relationship habit of trusting. This is something that works for me and I hope it can also work for you. I know in the area of trust, one of the things that gets me through is a faith in the balance of all things. I believe that just like the naturally occurring elements, situations are equally balanced with positive and negative charges.

This belief especially helps me when I have experienced broken trust. While that is a painful experience, I also know there is equal positivity attached to it. I just have to find it. I know there is a lesson, gift or opportunity that will bring me joy or enlightenment so there is no injury when trust is broken.

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An example I just learned about this weekend happened when a woman I was speaking with told me about her father committing suicide. It was a terrible betrayal of trust. She was in serious pain over the experience. When she thought about a lesson, gift or opportunity, she said, “Wow, when my father died my sister and I inherited enough money that we were both able to buy our own homes. This would never have happened if my dad were alive.” Naturally, if she could choose, she would want her father back but we often have no control over the broken trust; we only have control over what we choose to do about it.

Learning how to balance out the pain with a lesson, gift or opportunity is one choice you can make that will improve your relationships as well as your mental health!

Can you think of the lesson, gift or opportunity that came from the last time you felt betrayed?

Trusting – Part One

By Kim Olver

The fourth healthy relationship habit is trusting. Trusting is such a big one for most people so I have decided to write about it in three parts – first, trust with others; second trusting what others show us and finally trust in something bigger than yourself.

This blog is about trust in others. I will assume you have had the experience of at least one other person promising you something that he or she did not deliver. Unfortunately, there aren’t many of us who will get through life without several incidents of broken trust.

canstockphoto0512675Now I’d like you to think about whether or not there was ever a time in your life when you promised someone something and did not follow through? Of course there was! None of us are perfect . . . we, like others, have promised things we did not or could not deliver. The question is, did you intend to do it when you made the promise? Of course you did. So why didn’t you do it? I will guess it was because life got in the way and you chose to shift your priorities. You aren’t a horrible, awful person. You simply had unforeseen circumstances that had you making a different decision.

Now, can you offer this same understanding to the people who have broken trust with you? Can you believe when they said they would do something, they really meant it? They intended to follow through. They aren’t a terrible, awful person either. The fact that you were betrayed by someone you cared about doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

It happens. People promise what they intend to do and as long as everything remains the same, they will almost always follow through. But no one can predict life changes. Things just happen that sometimes change our course.

Being generous with others and allowing them to change their minds without taking it personally can go a long way in your relationships. Is this something you already do? If not, is it something you think you can do? Do you want to?