Tag Archives: disappointment

Thee G-L-O from GLOW

By Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

I’m embarrassed and a bit ashamed to admit that there are times in my life when I spend too much time feeling dissatisfied and disappointed with my life. I’m fully aware that I am actually creating a more miserable life than the one I actually live by focusing on my dissatisfaction and disappointment.

The fact of the matter is that I’m pretty darn lucky and privileged. True my 20+ year marriage ended not by my choice. But at this point I know I am happier, freer, and more satisfied not married than I was in that marriage. I’m also grateful for all I learned and gained because of it, not the least of which are my fabulous, remarkable and incredible sons. And I’m grateful to be in this next, unexpected stage of my life.

I continue to do personal work to shift my perspective. I’m fully aware that choosing to feel angry and disappointed as often as I do is interfering with my Mental Health & Happiness. Every day I write my affirmations, sing my songs of inspiration and do my daily work cultivating mindfulness, happiness and gratitude.

One warm and sunny morning, I went walking on one of the many creek paths near my home. I began a rhythmical chant I composed giving thanks for receiving all of nature’s gifts. Although this may sound good, I was doing it to shift my perspective about the day. I was angry and oppressed by the unrelenting heat from the constant sunshine without a shade tree in sight. Oh lucky me, I thought sarcastically. Here is another gift-learning-opportunity (GLO) for me to shift away from the negative into the positive of life. How blessed am I to receive another bleeping GLO?

As I followed the gentle curve of the path and came to an open field, I was met by a colony of prairie dogs all out and about for their breakfast! WOW! What a wonderful, surprising and glowing gift nature had bestowed upon me this fine day! For those many people who have lived in Colorado for years, prairie dogs are a nuisance and an annoyance. But not true for this east coast girl. I have only seen prairie dogs in the zoo. These animals are amazing and delightful.

Oh lucky me, I thought sincerely. This village community of sweet little critters lives so close to my own home. How blessed am I to receive this miraculous, glowing opportunity? I laughed with joy! 

For today, why don’t you be on the lookout for the amazing, surprising and simple glowing gifts that nature provides. They really are there every day. You just have to be open to them.

Boundaries

By Dr. Nancy Buck

Are you the person other people go to for a favor, for help, for a contribution to one more charity? Do you feel you just can’t say “no”because you will let someone down?

Have you set clear limits about what you will and will not do for the church group, the PTA, the boy scout or girl scout fair?

In other words, do you have clear boundaries?

Are you afraid to disappoint others? Do you fear you will let someone down if you don’t help out and take on one more project?

Hmm. Maybe the person your letting down is yourself. Imagine agreeing to volunteer only for the events at your child’s school that give you joy and satisfaction. Wouldn’t it be great to know how to set boundaries that don’t disconnect you from others or disconnect your from yourself?

This might help. Before you go to the place, meeting or interaction with the people who impose on you, sit alone in a quiet space. Put one hand on your gut, the other hand on your heart. Practice conscious breathing, taking in deep cleansing breaths breathing with intention. Now follow the rhythm of your natural breathing and “see”yourself at the meeting, with the relative or at work.

What do you want? What are you willing to do? What are you not willing to do? Ask yourself what your boundaries, limits, desires and expectations are?

Are you clear? Stay in your same meditative and imaginary space, and see yourself standing tall, clear and smiling lovingly. Imagine you are asked to do or give something outside of your own boundary or willingness. See yourself smiling lovingly and saying, “I’m so sorry but that won’t be possible this time.”There is no need to give an explanation or an excuse. Practice another imaginary response. “That would be fun. I’m so sorry I cannot do that this time.”Or try “Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m afraid I must say no.”See if you can actually imagine yourself saying “no”at least three times with love and clarity.

As you enter the meeting, or are approached by your insistent relative or greet your boss, causally put one hand on your gut, the other on your heart, stand tall and clear. Smile lovingly and actually say a loving “no”when a request is made that is outside of your boundary.

Keep practicing this strategy in your imagination and in your life and watch how Mental Health & Happiness improve!