Tag Archives: emotion


By Dr. Nancy Buck (originally posted on December 24, 2013)

  • Are you happy in your life right now?
  • Are all of your important relationships on solid footing?
  • Are you engaged in work that is meaningful and satisfying to you while benefitting others?
  • Are you physically healthy?
  • Are you as spiritually connected as you want to be?
  • Do you frequently think in challenging and creative ways?

daydream2Despite what you were told by your teachers and your parents, daydreaming is essential for a healthy body, mind and spirit. When you spend time imagining your life and the world as it could be you are gaining emotional strength.

When you spend time simply dreaming of what could be, you are opening to the possibilities of even more miracles and happiness in your life.

And this dreaming might just contribute to you taking the necessary action to make some of these dreams and imaginings come true!


Fear: Part 2

Emotions You Act on Grow Stronger

by Barnes Boffey, Ed.D

Director of Training, Aloha Foundation… www.alohafoundation.org

One of the most destructive patterns we can engage in is the belief that by giving into fear that it will decrease in strength. For example, if I am scared of telling someone the truth and I gave into that fear and don’t talk with them, my fear of doing it will increase, not decrease. Any emotion I act on will increase in strength; it’s like using a muscle. If I act on courage, I will become more courageous; if I act on forgiveness, I will become more forgiving; if I act on fear, anger or jealousy, I will become more fearful, angry and jealous. We don’t feel our way into new way of acting. We act our way into a new way of feeling. The tools we use to get there are these:

  1. 1. Admit how we are feeling at the present time. (“I am feeling very angry.”)
  2. Decide if this is how we would like to be feeling in this situation (“Do I want to continue to be angry?”)
  3. If the answer is yes, there is no problem. If the answer is “No,” then we ask ourselves what emotion we would like to create to replace the one we dont want. ( “Instead of feeling angry, what would like to be feeling in this situation? …. I think I would rather be calm and forgiving.”)

As a general rule, it is important to remember that “We don’t push away the darkness, we turn on the light.” We don’t remove what we don’t want in the world of emotional well-being, we create what we do want and the non-desired emotions are replaced. When we go into a dark room, we don’t spend our time pushing away the darkness, we turn on the light and the darkness goes away. And, like emotional well-being, if we turn off the light, the darkness returns.

  1. Begin to think and act in the manner that someone would who felt the emotion you want to feel (and here’s the crucial part) even though you dont feel it. Your action and thinking will eventually create the emotion you desire. (If I were feeling forgiving, what would I be saying to myself (my thoughts) and what would I be doing (my actions). I need to start doing those now even though I realize I don’t feel like it.)

Traditional wisdom would have us wait until we change our emotions before we change our actions, but that is a self-defeating process.

Fear: Part 1

by Barnes Boffey, Ed.D

Director of Training, Aloha Foundation… www.alohafoundation.org

When I hear people saying that I am “overwhelmed by fear” or “I can’t face the fear,” or “the fear is terrible,” I know they are only making things worse by the manner in which they are perceiving “fear.” They have a perception that there is something called “fear” out there and that that fear is somehow attacking them or burdening them by coming into their lives. Fear is not outside us; fear is inside us. Fear is an emotion we create when we look at the world and begin to tell ourselves stories about what we see. “I won’t be ok,” I’ll never figure this out,” “I’ll lose what I have and not get what I want,” are all messages that create the emotion of fear with in us.

If we can begin to own the fear and understand we are creating it, we can take steps to change what we are doing rather than trying to change something outside us which was never at fault to begin with. We can stop dealing with fear as though it is a commodity and some kind of external entity, and start telling ourselves things like.” I am creating a lot of fear in this situation.” or “When I look at the future, I start to fear what might happen;” we can begin to take more effective control of our emotional state. This does not mean that we can just easily change from “fearing” to creating other emotions like “faithing,” or “being brave” or being courageous with the snap of our fingers, but we can begin the process and decrease the amount of fear we are creating.

Fear is not an irrational emotion. What is often irrational and destructive is the amount of fear we create in situations which are not as threatening as we think they are. There are “healthy fears” and “unhealthy fears.” Trying to determine which is which and then create the appropriate amount of fear is never easy, but always worth it.