Tag Archives: feelings

Picture It 

by Mona Dunkin 

Picture taking and sharing has become a national pastime. Whether it is the exotic – Eiffel Tower – or the ordinary – PB&J sandwich – See it. Capture it. Share it. Develop it.

We have an internal camera that is handier than our cell phones, quicker than our fingers and never runs low on batteries or storage facilities.

It’s our brain attached to our six senses.

Our six senses are continually taking ‘sensual pictures’ – smells, tastes, sights, sounds, emotions – whether we are deliberately snapping them or not. The brain and senses are on call 24/7 from birth to death. And the brain sorts and stores all these pictures for later recall – or not – but they are still cellular stored.

Psychiatrists William Glasser says, “The power of the picture is total.”
What?  Basically that means that we cannot separate ourselves from ourselves and everything we do effects everything we do and involves every part of our being which is connected to all of our experiences.  The totality of our existence works in tandem and is inextricably tied together – thoughts, actions, feelings and physical.

The following example reflects the possibility of a child’s first-ever encounter with liver and ice cream.

Liver: ugh!

  • Thought – horrible, never again.
  • Action – spit out, gulp down
  • Feeling/Emoting – frustrated, deceived?
  • Physical/Bodily – iron, nutrition, strength

Ice cream: yum!

  • Thought – wonderful, delicious, more
  • Thought – wonderful, delicious, more
  • Feeling/Emoting – happy, joyous
  • Physical/Bodily – nutrition, fat, tooth-decay

When our reality seems to match these sensual pictures in our head, we have some degree of satisfaction. This degree of satisfaction – no matter how minute – was the pioneering pathfinder to the brain.  The degree of satisfaction leads to organizing our behavior to do it again or to refrain from the next time.

This simple example illustrates how an initial unpleasant encounter can be developed to be beneficial to keeping us mentally and physically healthy and happy. It also illustrates how a pleasant encounter can become detrimental in the long run to mental and physical health and happiness.

Shift Your Bad Mood

Contributed by Denise Daub

8 Ways to Shift a Bad Mood and Feel Better Fast by Nathalie Thompson

Have you ever heard the phrase: “as within, so without”? It has become something of a mantra to me lately because it’s a reminder that whatever is happening outside of me is a direct reflection of what is happening within me, on the inside.

Our thoughts affect our beliefs and expectations, which affect our actions, which, in turn, affect our physical reality. In a way, we create our world through the thoughts we think; our external reality becomes a reflection of our internal landscape.

miserable_kenThis effect works with all of our feelings — good or bad. So when we start finding ourselves feeling down or pessimistic about things, or when something we’ve come across in the media upsets us, it’s really important to head the snowball off and look for ways to shift our focus into a better-feeling place before we get trapped into only being able to see the crappy stuff in life.

Read more http://www.huffingtonpost.com/nathalie-thompson/8-ways-to-shift-a-bad-mood-and-feel-better-fast_b_8201180.html?ir=Healthy%20Living?ncid=newsltushpmg00000003

 

Overcoming depression, anxiety, suicide ideation and more

By Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

Want to develop, improve and maintain your Mental Health & Happiness? Then you need to effectively follow your psychological instructions every day.

Want to feel less stress, anxiety, sadness, depression, alienation and powerlessness? Then you need to more effectively follow your psychological instructions every day.

Want to stop continually  obsessing over one thought, loss, sadness or failure? Want to stop your never ending internal argument of whether or not to ingest that forbidden substance, whether it be food, drink, or drug? Then you need to more effectively and consistently follow your psychological instructions every day.

sadwomanAre you feeling a complete lack of hope, feeling so despondent that you have been considering ending your life? Maybe you are feeling this right now. Then you need to effectively and consistently follow your psychological instructions right now, especially your instruction to connect in a meaningful and authentic way with one other person.

These are your psychological instructions: the urge to feel safe & secure, to be loving with a sense of belonging and connectedness, to be powerful, to be playful, and to be able to make choices with freedom.

Ask yourself these questions:

Who do you feel closest to in the whole world? Who do you share your hopes, dreams, wishes and sorrows with? If you don’t have at least one person in your life that fits these requirements,  start cultivating that kind of a relationship NOW! Your answer could be a pet, or God, or some other similar answer. That’s okay. However, if you can add a real person that would be even better.

Where do you feel important? What are you doing that you know makes a difference in the world, including just your own immediate world? If you can’t give an answer to this question start doing meaningful work, whether volunteer, paid or family work. We all need to feel as though we are making a difference. Make a contribution and know that your presence adds value not just to your own life but the lives of others.

Where do you feel like you have choices and options? Can’t answer that question? Then start  paying better attention to your world and your life now. You have lots of options and choices, including the choice of reading this blog to the end or doing something different. You have more freedom and choices than you realize. You just need to start noticing and giving thanks for all this freedom and choices. (If Viktor Frankl had choices then so do you.)

When was the last time you laughed so hard your cheeks hurt, tears streamed down your face and your belly got tired? Can’t remember? You my friend are in dire need of more fun and learning in your life. Start doing something, anything to be more playful and joyful. This can include going to a funny movie and watching and hearing others laugh, Laughter is contagious. Find a laughing yoga class near you and attend. Search on YouTube for videos of others laughing and watch long enough until you get tickled too.

Where do you feel safest in your world? This is the place where you seek shelter and comfort when you’re frightened. Don’t have that place? Then create it! If you have to, close your eyes and visualize being in a place from your past or your imaginations where you felt held, comforted and safely in a nest. We all need our own personal refuge.

Now that you have completed this brief needs assessment evaluation, do you have any ideas of what you can do to help develop, improve and maintain your Mental Health & Happiness? Let today be the day you get started.

For better results and greater effectiveness, connect with an accountability buddy. You help your buddy succeed in an area of his choosing, and ask for the help and support you need to succeed in improving your Mental Health & Happiness.

Emotional Self-Defense

By Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

bullying

As a thirteen year-old girl, I was threatened, mocked and bullied by an older girl (age fourteen) while her posse watched. As far as I knew I had done nothing to provoke this attack, yet on my walk to school or during play time with my neighborhood friends this tormentor would come from nowhere and start. Finally, one day I had had enough. I stood my ground and silently stood up to her. She brazenly walked up to me, slapped me across the face, and turned to walk away. I grabbed her hair in an attempt to bring her back. Much to my horror I pulled great clumps of her over-dyed and over-teased hair out of her head. Without skipping a beat, she walked to her friends and they all walked away. We never exchanged another glance, blow or word.

I wondered if I had triumphed? I was relieved that the teasing, intimidation and bullying stopped. At the same time I was not proud of having made an enemy and in such a violent manner.

During the years since my youth, I have had similar kinds of experiences. Luckily none have ended with a physical battle. I’m too often clueless about what I have done or do to provoke such anger and hatred. However I am old enough now to know that I am not just an innocent victim. What may be my well intended words could be perceived by the other as a threat or attack. With my added experiences and greater (?) wisdom, at least I know enough to offer an apology for what I may have done that has offended the other. Luckily, most times this helps to sooth hurt feelings and misunderstandings. Perhaps a friendship may not develop, but at least we end with better feelings toward one another.

Sometimes however,  there are a few who continue to attack, no matter what. The wonderful world of online encounters through Twitter, Facebook and other social media create many of these possible interactions.

Thanks to Dr. Peter Breggin I now know what to do. Did you hear him interviewed on our Mental Health & Happiness Summit? He offered a great deal of helpful advice and ideas to contribute to Mental Health & Happiness for us all. (Watch Dr. Peter Breggin’s inverview here:  http://www.mentalhealthandhappiness.com/2014/peter+breggin.html) And he also provided me with an incredibly helpful concept and skill.

We are each entitled to the right for unconditional emotional self defense. We can and should expect, demand and ask to be treated with respect and kindness.

The first time I interact and am attached by a person with whom I have had no prior history I will take a step back, literally if I can, or in my imagination if that is the only possibility. Closing my eyes I visualize surrounding myself with a clean and protective space. Some parents teach their children do this calling it the bubble of safety. Some people imagine stepping into a white light space of safety. It’s helpful to experiment and practice this skill before you get into a situation where you need to use your protective space.

Finally, I say, I have the unconditional right to emotional self-defense. I am entitled to be spoken to with respect. I offer you this same respect. 

For me the results have been amazing. Occasionally I am bullied on Facebook. This practice has helped me to stand up for myself without attempting to externally control the other person or bully back. On Facebook I make this statement slightly differently: If you can speak to me respectfully I welcome your thoughts and comments. Otherwise, please leave me alone. 

I’m actually looking forward to the next time I need to practice this skill face-to-face with a someone. Learning this strategy has greatly improve my Mental Health & Happiness.

How do you want to feel?

By Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

How do you feel today? Ill? Frightened? Satisfied? Tired? Anxious?

How do you want to feel today? Happy? Excited? Accomplished? Loved? Generous?

canstockphoto8974678Today is a good day for you to try an experiment. If you are already feeling the way you want to feel today, then save this experiment for another day when you aren’t feeling so great. Here’s how you do the experiment.

Take a lesson from a well known strategy in the acting world. Decide how you want to feel. Now imagine you are feeling the way you want to feel, what would you be doing and need to do in order to feel that way. Start doing those things.

Let me give you an example. Imagine you want to feel happy. If you are feeling your own happiness, you would be smiling broadly, feeling a lightness in your step, a fullness in your heart with sparkles of joy in your words and voice. Your posture would be tall and proud with your chest and head held high. You might even begin spontaneously humming, singing or dancing to the music that only you can hear.

Can you imagine this? Great. Now start acting this way, right now. If you’re willing to take this experiment a bit farther, go out in the world and complete an errand acting full of your own joy and happiness then come back to this blog.

Did you do it? If you did I’m betting you feel Mentally Healthier & Happier now than you did at the beginning of this experiment. Isn’t that amazing!

The excitement of this experiment is that you can do this almost any time and any place. Are you about to testify in court, something you may not frequently do? How do you want to feel when you are being questioned? Strong, brave, honest and clear. Now imagine what action you will take to feel that way as you testify.

Want to feel more loving and compassionate during you next encounter with your out-laws? If and when you feel love and compassion, how to behave? What do you do? What do you say? How do you stand? What happens with your eye contact? Start acting that way with the people who use to be your in-laws and see if you not only feel greater love and compassion, but you also start acting like a more loving and compassionate person.

How do you want to feel during your next anything? Decide how you want to feel, then imagine and plan what you need to do in order to feel the way you want. The more you practice and practice and practice this experiment, the more it will become who you are, not just an experiment you complete.

Go ahead, give it a try. You may just begin to feel  Mentally Healthier & Happier as a result!

Feeling, Emotion and Intuition – Part II

By Dr. Barnes Boffey

Why would it be important to understand the difference between feelings, emotions and intuition? Let’s see:

man2I had a difficult face-to-face discussion with my ex-wife last night and this morning when I woke up I felt a tightness in my stomach and a sense of general uneasiness. I was having definite feelings about the previous night. My feelings, as they always do, told me that there is something that needs to be dealt with- something out of balance, something that I have become or continue to be aware of.

I sat with the feelings for a minute and realized that I was sad, and disappointed and angry – I was creating emotions in an effort to deal with the feelings I was having. As I tried to sort it out, I realized I was disappointed because my story was “I had really hoped it would be different this time. I had hoped to walk away having a wonderful conversation that helped us reconnect as former partners.” I was creating my anger (angering) with my thoughts “Shit, can’t she ever just make things easy. This is just too hard. I hate feeling this way.” Sadness was accompanying my thoughts that, ”I really do love her and it’s just too bad we can’t work this out. I wish life were just easier sometimes.”

Knowing I have some control over my emotions, I began to ask, “What emotions would I like to be creating?” Sadness was fine with me, and even the disappointment, but I do not like being angry very long. Realizing that an emotion is tied to a story, I began to tell myself the story of forgiveness to replace the story of anger.  (‘We are both doing the best we can. Life is hard and she is hurting and feeling scared. I don’t need to answer anger with anger.”) Knowing what emotions I was creating helped me see how I was dealing with the situation what my other choices were.

Finally, since I was out of balance, I used my intuition to make contact with the universal energy which felt large and safe and supportive of my efforts at forgiveness. I was able to be in the presence of the goodness of the universe, a truly loving energy. Like being held by a loved one, or sitting quietly with an old dear friend; I felt calmer and more at peace. Balance was returning.

That’s why!

Feeling, Emotion and Intuition – Part I

By Dr. Barnes Boffey

In trying to be someone who lives a genuinely happy and fulfilling life, I have found some help in understanding the differences between feelings, emotions and intuition. They are not all the same. I have more control over some and less control over others. Part of the difficulty in maintaining our mental health in this society is the way these words are used interchangeably and often inaccurately.

Feelings are impulses – sensations of energy and indicators of our system’s awareness of a perceived reality as we become aware of it. A feeling is almost indescribable except in terms of intensity; once we begin to name it we are into the area of emotions. Feelings are like electrical impulses that accompany awareness.

Let’s use an example. I come home after work looking forward to seeing my new puppy who I left in the cage when I left.  I open the door and see a torn up pillow on the floor. Seeing that pillow, I experience a feeling that something is wrong. It can be like being punched in the gut or just having a wave of sensation run through me, but the feeling accompanies the fact that I am now aware that something is wrong.

After we have a feeling, we begin to try to explain, describe or understand the phenomenon we are now aware of and we “tell ourselves a story” about what we perceive. The story we tell ourselves is what will determine our emotion. Our emotions are our own creations, dependent on the way we explain and perceive the phenomenon about which we are having feelings. As people, we generally have little control over our feelings and a great deal of control over our emotions.

puppy

In the case of the puppy, our emotion will depend on our “story.”  “That damn puppy..”- anger; or  “Looks like I got away easy, just a pillow”- gratitude; or “Great.. finally a good excuse to get a new couch” – happy.  The likelihood is that we will tell
a mix of stories and experience a mix of emotions, but we can always track an emotion back to a story. We create the story- we thereby create an accompanying emotion.

Intuition is the complex series of sensations we experience which indicate our connection to/relationship with/and awareness of a indefinable power in the universe. This universal power has an energy which can guide, instruct, support and assist each of us. A big determinant of our ability to access that energy and power is our ability to connect with it. Intuition is the channel through which we make that connection. The more we open up to the events and experiences that are part of the universal energy, the greater becomes our intuition.

This topic is obviously bigger than one blog’s worth, but beginning to understand what we are experiencing and why can help us make better and more accurate choices.

How are you making yourself feel?

by Dr. Barnes Boffey

Although it seems incredible and almost incomprehensible, the reality is that “we create both the emotions we love and those we hate.” Our emotions do not happen to us, they are the result of an experience coupled with the story we tell ourselves about that experience.

kid

Suppose, for example, you are writing a greeting card, and your child runs by, hits your arm, and you end up scribbling on the card. How would that make you feel? The answer is that it wouldn’t make you feel anything. What would create your emotion is the story you begin to tell yourself about what happened. If you say “How can he be so clumsy,” you would feel frustrated and maybe angry. If you tell yourself “Oh, man, I just spent 10 minutes on this card. Not cool,” you might feel disappointed and frustrated. If you told yourself, “No big deal, he’s a kid and he didn’t mean to do it,” you might feel forgiving and calm. The emotion you “have” is a result of the story you create.

This is both good news and bad news. Good news because we now have a great deal of control over the story we tell ourselves and bad news because we can no longer blame everyone else in our lives for “making us” feel bad (or good). We have to give up the victim role, even knowing the power of being a victim and its many attendant assets. But in the long run, as emotional victims we are at the mercy of the world in which they live, a terrible place from which to try to meet our basic needs.

Helping each other tell different stories about our lives is the purview of a good friend, a parent, a counselor and a spouse/partner. Same story. . . same emotion. But knowing what to do and doing it are two different things. Some stories are very, very hard to change, especially once they become part of the fabric of who we are and how we present ourselves to the world.

Victimhood is a sad and ineffective perspective from which to our lives. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

A Little Acceptance

by Dr. Nancy Buck

Spending time with a  person who is in a miserable mood can be a misery.

You mention what a beautiful day you’re both blessed with and your companion mentions the irritating bugs that are so annoying. You smile for no particular reason and your grumble-grouch side kick complains that your ubiquitous joy is another source or irritation. Are you beginning to suspect that your friend is doing everything possible to have you join in the misery?

Is it possible that you are doing everything possible to have your partner join you in joy?

We human beings are a funny lot. Although no one can make us feel happy or miserable, feelings and emotions certainly seem contagious. Hanging around someone who is full of unhappiness and complaints can lead to our own feelings of irritation and upset. It is also possible that spending time with someone who is full of joy and laughter can influence our improved mood.

But if you are dancing and singing, standing on your head and juggling chickens all in an attempt to “cheer”someone’s mood, this will almost always backfire. If a person is committed to or needing to feel unhappy, miserable or grouchy for awhile, there is nothing that anyone can do to change their mind. They have to make this decision and choice themselves.

The one thing that you can do, however, that is kind, loving and respectful is to simply accept that your companion is feeling, thinking and behaving in a bad, sad or complaining mood. You don’t have to like it. And if you feel their mood is “rubbing off”on you, you can choose to temporarily disconnect. But the last thing you should do is to try and “make”them change their mind and mood.

Accepting the feelings of another, whether the other is your child, your parent, your partner or your friend is respectful, kind and loving. Accept that they are feeling this way for their own very good reasons, whether you understand those reasons or not. You can offer a listening ear and an understanding heart, if they want it. But trying to convince them not to feel the way they are is disrespectful, unkind and unloving.

You can contribute to the Mental Health & Happiness of another if you accept that this person is feeling the way they are. You can also contribute to your own Mental Health & Happiness by accepting your own feelings.