Tag Archives: honesty

Going Beyond Our Beliefs

by Barnes Boffey, Ed.;  Director of Training, Aloha Foundation… www.alohafoundation.org

My whole life I have been limited by my own imagination. I mistakenly believed that what I could imagine was as good as it could get. I was convinced that my mind was showing me a future which was reality, not aware at all that it was my personal fantasy often based years of limited thinking and fear-based projection.

Not really understanding that has hindered me continually. When I think about a change in my life or aspiring to be more honest or thoughtful or loving, I need to realize that what I envision may have very little to do with the actual possibility of who I might become. If I let go of my own expectations and both trust the process and seek the advice of people who have what I want, I am much more likely to go beyond my expectations than if I assume they are real and finite.

This has played itself out in what I consider to be my personal mantra:  “ Show Up, Pay Attention, Tell the Truth and Release the Outcome.” Releasing the outcome is crucial in the process of personal change or we get to a place where we don’t see what is “there,” we only see what we expect to be “there.”

barnesboffey

A friend of mine has been in AA for years, and as we talked about this idea, he related the story of a member he respected who always said, “If you keep coming to AA, your life will be more beautiful than you can imagine. And if you don’t believe that, please believe that I believe that.” He told me that speaker gave him something to think about, and allowed him to piggy-back on that member’s faith in ways he was not yet able to do himself. He went on to say that he had listened to speakers who talked about their connection with a higher power in ways he never could have imagined. They helped him break out of his rigid “religion-based” view of a higher power and break open a new “spiritual” view that he was able to work with and today is the foundation of his life.

I continue to look for people who can help me dream beyond my own dreams.  At some level, I need to remember that “If you want to be a man you need to see a man,” or “If I want to be loving, I need to see loving.” There are so many people who don’t realize that their greatest gift to the world is just showing up and being themselves; just showing up and being willing to live life in their own unique way. By seeing lives that surpass our own in areas in which we want to excel emotionally , we are all able to forge new awarenesses of the people we might become.

Thanks you to those of you who showed me the kind of courage I never thought existed; to those of you who showed me the faith I never believed attainable; and to those of you who showed me the kind of honesty I didn’t think was possible in the real world. When I see these things, I can no longer pretend they are simply ideals with no foundation. I see they are real and I am challenged and drawn toward those aspirations myself.

My AA friend said it his own way: “I have become someone I never thought I could because I saw people in real life who were sober the way I want to be sober. “It’s simple, he said. “If you want to be sober, you have to see sober.”

 

 

What are your character strengths?

Contributed by Denise Daub

By Rebecca Scholl

Honing in on your strengths — whether its expressing kindness, gratitude or honesty — can improve your daily life. Being kind to others can actually boost your cardiovascular health. Expressing gratitude has been linked to more optimism. Being honest may improve your overall health.

Happify, a website dedicated to helping people build skills for happiness through science-based activities and games, organized a detailed infographic explaining how you can use your personal character strengths to improve your own life. Take a look at it below and get inspired to tap into what makes you unique.

Read more…http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/how-to-use-your-character-strengths-to-improve-your-life_55ae5a35e4b07af29d5656eb?ncid=newsltushpmg00000003

Trusting-Part Two

By Kim Olver

This is my second blog about the healthy relationship habit–trusting. This one is about trusting who people show you they are.

canstockphoto10171854So often when we get close to someone, we catch glimpses of the potential they have to be a wonderful person, exactly what we want. The problem is these are only glimpses. The majority of the time, people show us exactly who they are. However, we hold them accountable to the glimpses we have seen.

In order to have realistic relationships, we need to stop trusting people to be who we want them to be and instead, trust them to be the person they’ve shown us they are.

We create so much of the misery in our relationships by not believing people when they show us who they are. Never is this more true than in the relationships where perhaps our current partner cheated on his or her last partner with us. S/he has shown s/he is a cheater and yet now we are expecting them to be true to us. This is unfair to ourselves and the other person.

The best thing we can do for an honest relationship is to be ourselves and to accept others for who they show us they are instead of expecting them to be who we want them to be.