Tag Archives: jealousy

Fear: Part 3

I Think I Can Get Away With It

by Barnes Boffey, Ed.D

Director of Training, Aloha Foundation… www.alohafoundation.org

I know a relatively large number of people who are having trouble with anxiety as they move into their elder years. They are anxious about the future, anxious about money, kids, weather and just about everything else, and they spend a great deal of time acting as if it were not their fault that they are feeling this way. Like a compulsive overeater who continues to eat bread and sugar but seems continually dumbfounded that they are gaining weight, denial and “hoping we can get away with it” go hand in hand.

As the anxiety becomes more pronounced in their lives, they generally  don’t want to hear that the state of anxiety they are dealing with now is a direct result of their not facing their fearing and anxiety in earlier years. Essentially they hoped they could avoid facing their destructive patterns; they hoped they could outrun it, evade it or deny it long enough so that the full force of the pattern wouldn’t catch them. They would then have gotten away with allowing themselves years of unchecked fear and anxiety without having to pay any price. Every emotion has a cost; some are very expensive (anger, resentment, jealousy) some have very little cost (generosity, gratitude and kindness), but there is “no free lunch.” Just as we can’t continue to spend well beyond our income, the cost of certain emotions can bankrupt us if we continue to create them over time.

We can get addicted to emotions just as we can to substances, and the root of much of this is the false belief that “I can get away with it.” We think we can stay angry at a spouse and not have it eventually cost us our relationship; we think we can stay resentful at our sister and not have it affect the family strength;  we think we can continue to be fearful and anxious without eventually weakening the entire framework of our mental health and happiness. With discipline, courage, thoughtful planning and good tools (see Fear #2) we can change directions. Without all three, our future may have more unpleasant surprises for us than we would hope for.

 

 

 

Jealousy

By Kim Olver

jealousy

Have you ever felt jealous? Haven’t we all? We tend to be jealous of someone who has something we want. One of the most powerful things we can do is change what we want.  I know that sounds easier than it actually is but we can do it as we get better practicing it. If someone has something you want and you are feeling jealous, make a conscious decision to want something else instead and focus on that.

When you’re jealous over a person who has something you want, first determine if it’s possible for you to have it too. Just because someone can fit into their size 2s again, doesn’t mean you can’t do that too. Sometimes jealousy is born from the scarcity mentality and it feels like if someone has what you want, then you can’t have it too but sometimes that isn’t true. In those cases you can stop the jealousy by becoming determined to get the thing you want and you can use the person who has already achieved it as inspiration.

Another reason for jealousy occurs when we forget that we don’t “own” other people. I’m sure you’ve heard the sentiment that some people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Jealousy often occurs when you attempt to change a reason or a season person into a lifetime person. Learn to allow relationships to run their natural course. Don’t be jealous. Remind yourself of the quote by Dr. Seuss:

“Don’t cry because it’s over; smile because it happened.”