Tag Archives: mothers

Mother’s Day Pain

Connecting Habits, Connection, Courage, Depression, Family, Feelings, Grief & Loss, Love, Mental Health, Pain, Unhappiness, , , ,

By Kim Olver (originally posted May 10, 2014)

Today I want to acknowledge the people who may be in pain on Mother’s Day and in all the days and hype leading up to it. Who may those people be?

  1. A mother whose child has died
  2. A person whose mother has passed away
  3. A mother who has put their child up for adoption
  4. A child whose been adopted
  5. A child living in foster care
  6. A woman with a regretted abortion
  7. A woman who has suffered a miscarriage
  8. A mother and child separated by pride and misunderstanding
  9. Anyone else I may have left out
  10. Couples who are infertile

canstockphoto6156088

Experiencing emotional pain is never easy but it is made even more difficult when the world around you is celebrating while you are feeling so sad. Those who have their mothers and their children to celebrate with will be happy and pampered on Mother’s Day. It is a special day set aside to honor the woman who gave birth to us.

If you are a mother without her child on Mother’s Day, you have some choices to make. You can embrace your feelings of grief and sadness and simply allow yourself to experience the loss. You can put a smile on your face, pretending everything is all right when inside you know it isn’t. You can use distraction to busy yourself so you are focused on other things. You can find a way to be grateful for the experience of motherhood, with all its ups and downs, and find the gifts, lessons and opportunities in the experience. Or you can create a new celebration of your own for this day . . . something meaningful to you.

If you are child without your mother on Mother’s Day, you have similar choices. You can embrace your feelings of grief, loss and sadness and just be in that space. You can pretend all is well when you know it isn’t. You can distract yourself with other things, trying not to think about her. You can find a way to be grateful for the mother you had, for better or for worse. She gave you life and taught you things . . . some you will embrace, others you will never repeat but all lessons nonetheless. Or you can find something else to celebrate on this day.

Whatever you do on Mother’s Day, recognize the choices you have and choose the one that serves you best. The world recognizes mothers on this day and your focus may need to be on how to take care of yourself today. You are just as valuable and important as all the mothers and children who will be happy today. Choose well.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you Moms

Connection, gratitude, Relationships, , , ,

By Dr. Ken Larsen

momThis day has value to help us remember the person who brought us into being in her body and then gave us to the world.  Our mothers were there to hold us, to feed us, to care for us with all our basic needs.  Hers was the voice of comfort in distress, soothing, softening the harsh world that was so new to us.

She was a sturdy support as we grew and learned to feed ourselves, to walk, to play  and to rejoice in the freedom of not needing diapers.

As we grew we didn’t need her quite so much.  Yet even as we moved on in life, we were still connected.

It’s sometimes hard to understand why Mom is still interested in us, is still concerned for our well being, still wants to be part of the life that she brought intmom2o the world.

“The changes that happen in the mommy brain are the most profound and permanent of a woman’s life.  For as long as her child is living under her roof, her GPS system of brain circuits will be dedicated to tracking that beloved child.  Long after the grown baby leaves the nest, the tracking device continues to work.  Perhaps this is why so many mothers experience intense grief and panic when they lose day-to-day contact with the person their brain tells them is an extension of their own reality.”1

Marty Robbins wrote the song “You gave me a mountain.”  One of the lines goes: “My mother died giving me life.”  In a way this is true for all mothers.  They die to who they were in their own individual life to become a mother, a giver of life and love and support to those she has borne.

Thanks, Mom.

1The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine M.D.

Mother’s Day Pain

Acceptance, Choice Theory, Choices, Connection, Feelings, Grief & Loss, Mental Health, , , , , ,

By Kim Olver

Today I want to acknowledge the people who may be in pain on Mother’s Day and in all the days and hype leading up to it. Who may those people be?

  1. A mother whose child has died
  2. A person whose mother has passed away
  3. A mother who has put their child up for adoption
  4. A child whose been adopted
  5. A child living in foster care
  6. A woman with a regretted abortion
  7. A woman who has suffered a miscarriage
  8. A mother and child separated by pride and misunderstanding
  9. Anyone else I may have left out
  10. Couples who are infertile
Experiencing emotional pain is never easy but it is made even more difficult when the world around you is celebrating while you are feeling so sad. Those who have their mothers and their children to celebrate with will be happy and pampered on Mother’s Day. It is a special day set aside to honor the woman who gave birth to us.
If you are a mother without her child on Mother’s Day, you have some choices to make. You can embrace your feelings of grief and sadness and simply allow yourself to experience the loss. You can put a smile on your face, pretending everything is all right when inside you know it isn’t. You can use distraction to busy yourself so you are focused on other things. You can find a way to be grateful for the experience of motherhood, with all its ups and downs, and find the gifts, lessons and opportunities in the experience. Or you can create a new celebration of your own for this day . . . something meaningful to you.

pensivewoman

If you are child without your mother on Mother’s Day, you have similar choices. You can embrace your feelings of grief, loss and sadness and just be in that space. You can pretend all is well when you know it isn’t. You can distract yourself with other things, trying not to think about her. You can find a way to be grateful for the mother you had, for better or for worse. She gave you life and taught you things . . . some you will embrace, others you will never repeat but all lessons nonetheless. Or you can find something else to celebrate on this day.

Whatever you do on Mother’s Day, recognize the choices you have and choose the one that serves you best. The world recognizes mothers on this day and your focus may need to be on how to take care of yourself today. You are just as valuable and important as all the mothers and children who will be happy today. Choose well.