Tag Archives: present

Routines: A Comfort and Mind-Numbing

By Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

Presently my life is undergoing a complete change. I feel as though I’m living in a snow globe that has been turned upside-down. Much is getting turned upright again, but the snow is still swirling about me attempting to settle into new patterns and routines. I’m about to start a new job and move into a new home. As a result my everyday routines are now completely altered and upended.

What are your daily patterns and routines? Do you go to bed about the same time every night? Is your morning ritual consistent? Chances are your answer is “yes.” We humans tend to create then follow the same routines and rituals in many aspects of our lives. These routines and habits help us to meet our need for safety and security, the psychological component of the basic need for survival. And these habits allow our brain to go on automatic so we don’t have to spend a lot of focused energy making a thoughtful choice at every turn during our days.

For instance there are probably many more habits and routines in your life than you are even aware of. Ever take a class and discover that the same students sit in the same seats week after week? This same pattern is evident at church or temple services, company trainings, meeting and workshops, and other similar times and places where the same people gather in the same places on more than one occasion. Choosing the same seat without making any kind of a conscious thought about this decision is what most people do to feel safer and more secure.

You probably park in the same general area when you visit your usual grocery store. Both the store and the parking spot is a habit you developed that saves you time and energy. You probably travel the same route and roads to and from your job. It is very rare that you consult a map or choose a different route unless some new construction is slowing down your travel.

At the same time these habits and routines help you meet your need for safety and security, they can become tedious and monotonous. In fact the joy and delight of taking a vacation or trip is the opportunity for a great adventure. Now you must get out of your routines and habits. During these times you actually are more alert, awake and fully  present in your “now” because you have to be. You are taking new roads, choosing new seats in new restaurants and theaters. You can’t allow your mind to click into auto pilot. Since everything is new your full attention is required.

But having everything new for too long a period of time can become overwhelming and stressful. I am in this very spot now. I’m craving the mundane, routine and habitual. And I’m fully confident that a month from now I will have found the rhythm in my new job. It may take a bit longer to get unpacked and settled in my new home. But I trust my desire for safety and security will lead me to eventually create the home where I feel settled and safe.

If your Mental health & Happiness is not at a pleasing or satisfying level for you give one of these alternatives a try for improvement:

  • Create more regular routines and habits. Just as following the same patterns and rituals can help settle and calm a baby, the same can happen for you. It is routines, habits and regular patterns that can help meet your need for safety and security. Emphasize these habits now to see if that improves your feelings of safety and security leading to improved Mental Health & Happiness
  • Change your regular habits and routines. If you always travel the same route to and from work, go a different way. If you always shop at the same grocery store, visit the same library, regularly eat at your favorite restaurant, go in search of a new grocery store (perhaps of a different ethnicity) visit a local independently owned book store instead of your library, and go in search of one more restaurants to become your next favorite. Or go on vacation, someplace you have never been before! It may just be time to get out of your comfort zone, stretch your feelings of safety and security, expand your adventures to meet your need for fun and learning! See if this improves your level of satisfaction and Mental Health & Happiness.

Memories

By Nancy S Buck, PhD, RN

The past is a funny thing. If it weren’t for our past none of us would be who we are today. At the same time we have no ability to change the past. If you don’t believe me, go back and change what you had for dinner last night. Can’t do it can you? But you can change what you’re going to eat for dinner tonight based on your experiences from your past.

Remembering is an even stranger skill that we all have. Or do we? There are more than a few people who complain that they have no memory. Some people believe that their lack of memory indicates some terrible experience from their past that they are repressing. This is evidence that Dr. Freud is still influencing thoughts and ideas about psychology even today.

How can you know what you don’t know? Your brain may well be acting to protect you from painful memories. It is just as likely that the reason you have no memory of your past is that your brain is fully engaged and focusing on the present. How lucky to have a brain that helps you stay fully present in the now of your life.

How close do memories resemble what actually happened? Some people feel haunted and tortured by their memories of early experiences. Is it possible that these memories are distorted? Have you ever returned to your childhood home to discover the giant hill you sled down in winter and rolled down in summer was hardly more than a slight rise or mound? We remember events, circumstances and experiences from the perspective of being a child. Returning as an adult with an adult’s point of view and perspective can abruptly bring you into a different reality. The same can be true of our unhappy memories from childhood.

The past is only what you choose to remember, if you even choose to remember it. If you are a person who is haunted, tortured or pained by memories, work to develop a new habit. You don’t have to think these thoughts any more.

Can you start thinking about the color pink? Now can you stop thinking about the color pink? At some point when you were a child you lost something of importance to you, a doll, a toy car, an ice cream cone that fell on the ground before you had a chance to eat it.  Are you still thinking about this loss now? You can choose a new pattern of thinking, now and stop the self-torture.

What is it you want that you are trying to get by thinking about this painful memory? Can you figure out another, more responsible and effective way, to get what you want and give up thinking the painful memory. You may find it helpful to work with a counselor to assist you if you find this too difficult to do on your own. Please know that you can change.

You do not need to be tortured and pained by memories and remembering. The past is only what you choose to remember. This is good news. Because it’s a choice, you can choose happier, less painful  experiences from your past to remember. By changing what you choose to remember you can improve your Mental Health & Happiness.