Trusting-Part Three

By Kim Olver

This is my third and final blog about the healthy relationship habit of trusting. This is something that works for me and I hope it can also work for you. I know in the area of trust, one of the things that gets me through is a faith in the balance of all things. I believe that just like the naturally occurring elements, situations are equally balanced with positive and negative charges.

This belief especially helps me when I have experienced broken trust. While that is a painful experience, I also know there is equal positivity attached to it. I just have to find it. I know there is a lesson, gift or opportunity that will bring me joy or enlightenment so there is no injury when trust is broken.

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An example I just learned about this weekend happened when a woman I was speaking with told me about her father committing suicide. It was a terrible betrayal of trust. She was in serious pain over the experience. When she thought about a lesson, gift or opportunity, she said, “Wow, when my father died my sister and I inherited enough money that we were both able to buy our own homes. This would never have happened if my dad were alive.” Naturally, if she could choose, she would want her father back but we often have no control over the broken trust; we only have control over what we choose to do about it.

Learning how to balance out the pain with a lesson, gift or opportunity is one choice you can make that will improve your relationships as well as your mental health!

Can you think of the lesson, gift or opportunity that came from the last time you felt betrayed?

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2 thoughts on “Trusting-Part Three

  1. One of the most devasting betrayals one can have is when one’s own mother betrays you to satisfy her own needs of lonliness and dependence. This often gravitates to the betrayal of one’s own siblings and their jealousy. I had this particular experience and found the only family I had, had turned against me after my giving up ten years of my own personal life and needs for the sake of my parent’s needs. My mother began telling lies and making up stories to my siblings to get their attention because I saw through her manipulative ways of instilling shame and guilt to get her needs met. Her methods no longer had an effect on me. Her reports of my “refusal to help her” resulted in my siblings caming from far and wide to come down upon me as the villain for not seeing to her needs. I quickly made the decision to “get outta Dodge.” I packed what little belongings I had and divorced myself from them and never looked back. I walked out and began to see to my own needs. The result: Freeing myself from the muck and mire of my Mother’s dependency for things she could do for herslelf; re-establishing my credit rating by acquiring a lucritive income now that I didn’t have to devote so much time to her needs; a subsequent feeling of enhanced self-worth and self-esteem by gaining independence; going from absolutely nothing but the clothes on my back to owning a new home with new furniture and appliances, and no debt, in only three years after divorcing myself from the toxic people in my life. I owe my new life and success to the betrayal of my family.

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